There’s a reason men love Jessica Alba. Five reasons, actually. She’s super feminine and not afraid to show it!
Being raised to be a radical feminist, I was taught (okay, it was practically beaten into me) that anything a woman did not make herself look feminine or different from guys was bad. I can remember making fun of women in college for getting manicures. Why groom? I asked. Just bite the damn things off.
Yes, I was that stupid.
Yes, I’ve grown up since then. Since then, in fact, I have discovered five magical things a woman can do to make men notice her and appreciate her, things that would make my former self sick. Things that, I might add, have made me feel a lot better about myself, contrary to the teachings of the radical feminist world of “empowerment” through ugly.
1. Do Your Nails. Or, better yet, get your nails done. Pretty hands and feet tell the world you care about yourself. They also tell a man you enjoy being a woman.
2. Wear your hair long-ish. I know I’ll catch flack for this one, but let’s face it — nothing says feminine more than long hair, at least in this culture. I don’t mean hair hanging down to your butt. I mean pretty hair, kept longer than most men would feel comfortable wearing themselves.
3. Don’t fear the dress. In a world where most of us go around in jeans, it’s nice to embrace the dress. I know it’s not practical for every moment, especially for my awesome cowgirl readership. But there’s something very liberating about putting on a pretty, comfortable dress for a night out, or for just sitting around on the porch in the evenings. Men love us in dresses, too.
4. Embrace heels. I know, some of you hate heels. I love them, and it turns out men do, too. They don’t have to be super high to be super feminine.
5. Play with makeup. I was actually forbidden from wearing makeup as a teen. This might be why I got a job in college working as a makeup girl in a mall. There, I learned a lot of tricks of the trade. I’ve also learned that even when guys say they don’t like makeup, what they really mean is they don’t like obvious makeup. If you do your makeup well, they won’t notice it and they’ll love how you look. Good makeup can enhance anyone’s looks.
So, there it is. My politically incorrect list of the five things I think every woman should do if she’s interested in attracting or keeping a good guy. Bracing for feedback…!
Tagged: beauty, dresses, fashion, femininity, hair, makeup, nails, style
I was a little sad to read this post. As someone who identifies strongly as a radical feminist, I also personally like style that reflects softness, gentleness and could be termed feminine, although I rarely wear heels or makeup. However, this is just my personal taste. I know other amazing beautiful women who don’t do any of these things and are loved by the most amazing men…
Feminism is about eliminating gender barriers, biases and oppression in all forms. It is about collaboration vs. competition and equity vs. opposition. And none of these wonderful things can exist if we keep telling women & girls(and the men that love them!) that they have to look and act in ways that garner the romantic approval of men.
Thank you for your comment. I do appreciate your viewpoint. I think there exist many interpretations of feminism, but this idea that we “shouldn’t” have socially prescribed notions of beauty (both male and female, by the way) strikes me as being unrealistically idealistic. One of the many great lessons I’ve learned from the cowboy is, as he often says, “there’s the way the world should be, and then there’s the way it is.” My advice is centered on the way the world IS, not on the way it should be. I wasted a lot of years living the way things “should” have been, and was entirely out of step with everything around me, much to my own detriment. Is it fair that the vast majority of men (and women) think feminine women are more attractive and, by default, hold greater value? Nope. Not at all. Does the lack of fairness make it any less true? Nope. The unfortunate truth of the matter is this: Those amazing men you mention would probably appreciate a beautiful, feminine woman with nice hair, makeup, nails and heels — even if they were too indoctrinated to admit it. In fact, I’d bet that in their private moments, their fantasies lean more toward Jessica Alba than Margaret Thatcher.
I love to rock a pretty dress from time to time, though I don’t do it often, as despite my best efforts, I cannot seem to rid myself of my darker-than-the-rest-of-me-hands, from wearing long sleeves everyday. And let’s don’t talk about the time it takes to put on self-tanner so I my legs don’t glow. But you’re right- there’s something very empowering about wearing a dress- especially when you wear jeans everyday like me!
Great Post!
Thank you! What an interesting point you raise about the darker hands. That’s a tough one to manage in a strapless dress…hmm…
I totally agree w/ SD Cowgirl. Living in sunny California, I have very tan arms & albino white legs. I keep threatening my friends I’m going to start wearing shorts when I ride. So, it takes a bit of convincing (yes, no, yes, no, yes) to get me into a dress.
From the time I met my cowboy, I never had a problem feeling equal. I enjoy being a female. (Not the heels.) And I do see what women have accomplished over the past 50 years being eroded and I hate seeing it happening. But it sure is sexy feeling long hair brushing your shoulders while making love – or the feel of hard, smooth muscle under ones hands. Viva la difference!!
Hi Caryl. I agree about the erosion of basic rights. I have no interest in seeing us go back. I just think I was raised on the other extreme end of things, where any differences were seen as oppression…my goal with this blog and the memoir is to show that there can be differences without anyone losing any of their human rights. I’m just tired of everyone pretending men and women are exactly “equal” in things like physical strength and height when we obviously aren’t.
I always said our relationship was sometimes mostly 50-50, but sometimes it was 10-90 or 30-70, etc., and that could go either way. It worked for us for more than half a century and I’m sure would still be working had he lived.
I am a little confused, in that I don’t quite understand what is meant by “the erosion of basic rights” for women…..I am not trying to be disrespectful or abrasive by asking this question; I am asking it because I want to hear what other women think about this, so that I can stop and think about what is being said, and then reflect and maybe redirect my thinking in these matters. i would like to have actual examples and not perceived examples, for those are abundant. I am sincere in my questioning, for I have a daughter, plus three granddaughters who I love to be open with their many diverse ideas, and I find they have as much to share about their thoughts as I do……..Thanks! Nanny
I think maybe my critics refer to how so many women around the world still lack bbasic freedoms?
I love it!! Great post!
Oops pushed posted to soon.
I just wanted to share that my hubby, myself, and our three daughters(7,11,13) al work very hard on our ranch running our cow/calf operationand a day does not go by that my toes are not fully manicured and painted oh so cute. 
My girls have also adopted this habit. When time permits my nails are also gussied up. Lol. We try to work as hard as my cowboy, and most of the time we keep up pretty well. My point is we all have different roles and responsibilities but we are equal as well. I love my cowboy and the lifes lessons he teaches our daughters as well as myself. I commend you for learning about our lifestyle and loving it as well and wish you the best. And when you are ready i hope you find the best “cowboy” that treats you and your son with all the love and repect you both deserve. keep the blogs coming. 
While I follow you blog, I may have missed this, so forgive me if the question has been asked… The whole notion of submission… be it standards of beauty or life decisions… as I understand it as both an independent woman and with full knowledge of the Christian standard of submission. Submission seems to be within the context of marriage.
So how, as a very strong woman that grew up with very liberal ideals, do you reconcile the fact that you speak in a context of submitting to a man you are not married to?
No judgement here… just interested in your answer….
All I can tell you is that you have mistakenly taken a literal interpretation of the meaning of my book title. The answer to your question takes more than 300 pages to explain and I do hope you will read the book when it comes out in January.
And what then, becomes the standard of beauty for a man if their partner loses her long locs during a battle with cancer or when, in her advanced age, she is no longer able to do her nails or wear heels? Does her partner still find her beautiful?
Mine did. It depends on how deep the love is.
Great answer.
I am single, I live alone and I am not currently dating anyone. With that being said – I think it’s important for women to take pride in how we look. Regardless of age or size. We are women! We are lucky enough to be able to wear dresses and high heels, put on make-up and pretty jewelery if we want. It doean’t make us less strong, smart or independent. When we look good, we feel good. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to do it either. I do my own manicure and pedicure and they look great!!
I just discovered your blog. I am not following anyone else. I think you are great. I like cowboys and I am femine yet balanced very little pink. I agree cowboys enjoys the difference and wants to see his woman look the roll. It doesnt disminish who you are, if you know who you are. You provide great advise especially for someone like me about to enter into a relationship with a cowboy for the first time. Correction good cowboy.
I really enjoyed this article. I was just talking with a good female friend about how in an effort to “be respected” as a comedian, I went through a period where I really frumped myself up. It felt terrible like I was hiding, but I didn’t know how to shine as a femme woman and still command respect. I grew up with a mom who was very ’70s style feminist, didn’t wear makeup or style her hair, and was very disparaging to “girlie” things. But I always loved doing all those things, but felt guilty about it. Glad to know I’m not the only one who felt I had to avoid prettying myself to be empowered! (Though I feel I must qualify this by saying I am forever grateful I didn’t have a mom who made me feel like “getting a man” was of premium importance to my life like many of my friends. Now that I’m ok with being a bit glam, it’s like the best of both worlds.)