A girl’s budding womanhood is celebrated and honored by her family in a quinceanera.
I never had a quinceañera, that ceremony thrown by so many Latin families when their daughters turn 15.
All of my female relatives in Cuba had them, and I got to see the photos — pretty girls in flouncy dresses, dancing in a formal way with boys in suits while old people smiled at them. Partly, I suppose, I was notquinceañera-ed because I was only half Cuban, my mother being a blue-eyed white American of English and Irish extraction, from rural New Mexico. I was born and raised in the United States and spoke no Spanish. But there were lots of other Cuban traditions we embraced, thanks to my father. I think that mostly I wasn’t given aquinceañera because it, like the Barbies and makeup I was never allowed to have, was just much too girly and traditional in the eyes of my radical academic feminist parents. Overall, they just weren’t terribly comfortable with the idea of me being a girl, much less a woman, at least not in any traditional way.
As a mother to an adolescent boy now, I can see the value in having some sort of right of passage for children as they cross over into the world of adulthood. Adolescence can be awkward, and I think these ceremonies ease kids into their new bodies, lives and selves with traditions that remind them they’re not alone, that we all went through it. American society as a whole doesn’t offer any formal acknowledgments of a child’s growing responsibilities and self, beyond, say, the day you get your driver’s license. I think ceremonies are important, and I think celebrating life passages as a community can go a long way toward helping to create a more caring and cohesive society. When I lived in New Orleans, I loved seeing the “coming out” photos of debutantes in the paper, sort of the same concept as aquinceañera. In high school, I envied my Jewish friends who got bar and bat mizvahs.
I wonder, are there any secular right of passage ceremonies that might work for American kids? (For the record, I don’t really count “sweet 16″ parties, because they tend not to have the ceremonial aspect and family involvement or emphasis on responsibility that the others I mentioned here do.)
Tagged: kids, quinceañera, rights of passage, traditional tuesdays
I’ve always felt the same way! I’m only half Mexican, so I didn’t get a Quinceanera either, and I wanted one so badly.
As a ‘rebel without a cause’ most of my life, I doubt I would have been happy participating in such a ceremony. We didn’t even have a wedding as such. Got married by a J.P. who looked like Santa Claus without the red suit. I have mellowed some but coming of age for me was when I was seventeen and my beloved only sibling was killed and my parents seemed to forget they had another child. I sort of realized, then, I was an adult with adult responsibilities and decisions to make about my life. Maybe some kind of ceremony would have helped. But I’ll never know. Had a great life anyway!
There is no ‘american’ equivalent of the quincenera. I’m mexican and married a white guy from Oklahoma. The first time I took him to a quicenera, he was amazed. I had to explain so much to him as to why we did this. He couldn’t understand why we would spend thousands of dollars on a party. Hours later, he realized it’s not just a party. There are so many traditions behind the ceremony and party. A sweet 16, in my opinion, is just a party. In my family, turning 15 for a girl was a huge step. I was not allowed to dance or speak to a boy (let alone go out with) until I turned 15. My friends in high school thought it was crazy that I could not attend any school dances. But the day of your quincenera, your first dance with your dad and then your escort means so much. I didn’t have a traditional quincenera because my parents gave me the option of that or a car – I chose the car. But my mom couldn’t bear not celebrate the day – so I had a small church ceremony and party at my house to celebrate. When my daughter was born, my husband told my dad he was going to start saving now for the quincenera. Imagine that! A white boy from Oklahoma wants to throw his daughter a quincenera!
I didn’t have a quincenera either. For that reason I feel like I will never truly be a Latina even though I live in Latin America. My mother went on a date one my fateful 15 years birthday. Later she tried to redeem herself, after she realized how thoughtless she was, and threw me a huge 17 years party but it wasn’t the same. Even though are local Evangelical pastor came to bless me. Although I am not living in the United States, I wonder in the new trendy purity balls that exist among the conversative church people is some sort of a rite of passage? I know they are highly controversial, but I would loved to take part in one!
For me, my true coming out, my rite of passage, as un-feminist as it sounds was my wedding. There was something about the my big, really graduated from Medical school, brother in a handsome suit giving me away to my handsome Beloved with every friend and family member that could come out present. I know I shouldn’t say this, but I think that at 25 years, really made me a proper woman….
Buenísima. I loved the post.